#12 – Jones’d – Excerpt


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Jones'd - Linda Rae Blair

Andrews Mansion

Virginia Beach, VA

Wedding Day

 My name is, no, not Ishmael, it’s Jones. You’ve probably heard of me. I’m a big galumph, so my master says; a pony, so says my favorite vet; a naughty baby, according to Lizzie who makes the best tasting goodies ever; and sweetheart, so says my Rachel.

 Shlurp…excuse me while I lick up some beef flavored chewy bone-induced drool

 Something special is going on in my house today. Everybody is excited about something. I’m not sure what it is, so I’m keeping a very close eye on everything and everybody.

 Lizzie has been busy in the kitchen for days. The whole house smells so good. For some reason, they aren’t allowing me in the kitchen, except when they’re taking me outside. Even then, they put me on a leash so I can’t stop to inspect the countertops covered in those plastic bowls with the dreaded Jones-proof covers. I hate those covers.

 My bestest friend ever is Palmer. He plays with me on the beach, throwing that fun toy with all the tiny holes in it—it doesn’t start out with holes in it, they just appear like magic. When it lands in the water, it sinks. Palmer says it’s all my own fault. I’m not sure why that is, but I trust him, so I try to be more careful. It doesn’t work, but I try.

 I nearly lost my Palmer. While I’m not quite sure what that means, really, my people said that a lot when they were all very upset and crying. Then Palmer had to sleep downstairs in a special bed. The lady called Nurse came and stayed with my Palmer for a long time. He’s all better now, but it sure was a long time before he could run on the beach with me again.

 Today, for some reason, Palmer is getting all dressed up. He looks funny in that outfit. A white suit, pink tie and those funny things he puts on his feet when we go swimming, you know—the ones that make that funny flip-flop sound when he walks.

 There’s my pretty lady, Rachel! I try my best to do what she wants. Rachel is a very nice human. She was hurt very bad and was so very sad a while back. I could feel her sadness. I do my best to please my Rachel; she’s very special to my master and all my humans.

 My master, the humans call him Press, is going to give me a treat (tummy growling) and run with me this morning. I’m really excited. He’s been very busy doing that thing they call “work.” I’m not sure what work is, really, but my humans all talk about it a lot.

 My master and I went on a trip. He was so sad when the trip started, but he got happy again when we found pretty Rachel. Then, she saved my master’s life, with a little bit of help from me, of course! I’ll always remember that mean man; I don’t think he’ll forget me any time soon, either! He sure didn’t taste good.

 I’ve been close behind my Rachel all morning, hoping I can find out what they’re all up to today. This morning she has her pretty red hair—that’s what humans call their fur—all wrapped around those funny things she puts in her hair after taking a shower and putting on all those nice smells that make me sneeze. It always surprises me that all that red hair does all those bouncy things.

 I like to chew on Rachel’s hair when we play the wrestling game. It smells like the pretty flowers Lizzie puts on the thing they call a table. It just looks like a tall, flat bowl to me. This table must have special significance to my humans. They get very angry with me when I find something on it that I like to eat.

 Rachel usually wears her hair in what she calls a ponytail. Looks more like a doggy tail to me, but my humans can be funny.

 My newest friend is Little Miss Steffi Rose. Lately, she’s been using my fur to pull up onto her feet and hangs onto my ear so I can help her walk around the house. We have a great time together, especially at naptime. I like naptime, too. Sometimes we fall asleep together while we play on the floor in front of the fireplace.

 My master’s baby sister—that’s what my master calls her—Steffi, spent the night here last night. She almost never does that anymore. Sometimes she brings our friend Trace with her, but not this time. It was nice having her here. She wears the best tasting chew toys on her feet. I don’t know why she has to get so upset just because I enjoy them so much.

 Steffi has been very angry with my friend Trace and my master, Press. Something about the pictures being screwed up, but I don’t know what that means. What are shiners, anyway?

 Things have been tense around here the last week. Work has made my master and Trace unhappy and has kept them both away most of the week. Here’s how it all got started…

 Oh, boy! I just heard Palmer say something about getting me out from under foot. He says that we’re going for a ride!

 Crash.

 I never do make that corner to the front door on all four feet when I’m excited.

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